Surgery to Recovery

Surgery???

As I announced my leave, for an impending surgery, people were looking quizzical. I tried explaining to people that I was having a disc popping out at the wrong place. The head nurse was saying, “You know, I was also having a lot of pain in my arm. But when I stopped lifting my grandchild the pain subsided magically 😊!!” Now I couldn’t possibly try that out. It would take years for me to have a grandchild and then stop lifting her….!!! Another sister chipped in, “I have also been having these pains, especially when I type the discharge summary. Then I just stop typing and go for a break.” I wondered if I could do the same. I imagined myself taking off my gloves in the middle of an operation… Hmmm, wasnt really workable. Most of the people around me seemed to have more serious disc problems than I was having 🙄. Did I actually have a problem or not? 🤔 Was I only imagining this pain? Maybe it will go away by itself? Now I was actually getting second thoughts. Is surgery required? Was there any other way out? Massage? Tantra- mantra? 

But my in-house neurosurgeon shooed all my doubts away. First and foremost, I was in pain. And I could not live like this everyday of my life. My work would be seriously compromised if this was to continue. So this has to be addressed. In the most appropriate manner. Sometimes in life, we are faced with problems. And every one will tell you their own version of their problem, as well as their quick fix solutions. But not all problems are the same. So neither will be solutions, even though the problems may seem alike outwardly. It’s always best to seek help from an expert to figure out the real nature of your problem, if you are not able to handle it by yourself. Because only an expert can understand the real nature of your problem. And hence help you find the best solution too. Do not seek too many opinions from half-experts,  as they create only confusion. And once you have figured out the best possible solution, embrace it whole heartedly and take responsibility for it. 

So after winding up the pending work in the hospital and handing in the leave application I headed back home, to prepare and pack for the surgery which was scheduled for the next day.  I asked my husband, “Are you operating on me?” My husband replied, “Though I know I will be the best person to operate on you, I am going to ask my boss to do it. I won’t be there in the operating theatre, because I don’t want to interfere with the surgery.” I said, “It doesn’t matter to me who operates. I trust you to decide what is best.” This is what it boils down to after 15 years of married life. As we grow together, the need for exchange of words comes down…conversations are limited to the bare minimum. And this was our conversation regarding my surgery. 😄

Packing for the hospital stay was the best part. I didn’t need to pack anything at all 🥳.. imagine while going for vacation we have to pack so much… clothes, make up, books, chargers, the list is endless… I wasn’t going to need much. Just the bare minimum of 2 sets of clothes and a toothpaste and brush. ☺️

So the next day early morning, me and my husband went to hospital for my admission. Honestly, I didn’t feel any anxiety. To tell the truth, I feel more anxious when I am going to do a surgery 🙃. Though I did realise that complications could happen to me, I also understood that no one causes any harm deliberately, if it is destined that something has to go wrong, it will happen. And no one can prevent it. My husband seemed to be more worried. Maybe my ignorance was the reason for my bliss, and his knowledge caused him anxiety !! As they took me into the Operation Theatre, he refused to come in and instead, instructed the staff to take good care of me. 

I was made to lie down on the OT table. The anesthetist said, I am going to prick you. A small needle went in. He said, “I am giving you propofol…” All I remember is a funny feeling throughout and then blank out. After a long time I was back in my senses, but my throat and neck ached terribly. There was something fitted onto my neck and face. I felt I could not move or breathe. I was shivering. My friend Dr. Shwetha was there in OT. She said, “Ahh…they have given you a nice big beautiful necklace!!”  They had fitted me with a cervical soft collar. She adjusted the collar and the face mask for me, and asked me to just breathe deeply. And I felt better. And after a while I dozed off…

After a while I was taken back to my room. I had some lovely warm soup. And lots of rest. The pain which had been my constant companion since the past few days was gone completely. I felt very relieved.  The next day I got discharged, and I proudly walked out of the hospital wearing my new necklace which is going to be with me for the coming few weeks. I consoled myself saying Bhagwan Shiv is always wearing a  collar round his neck, I could easily wear it for a few days!! 

For a day or two, all I remember is feeling tired most of the time, and sleeping whenever I wanted. But even sleeping wasnt so easy or comfortable. The collar was making its presense felt. Lying down and getting up was a problem. When I lay down, my back would start aching. And then i would just sit up. Sitting up seemed more comfortable. No wonder Bhagwan Shiv is always sitting in meditative posture. With a collar around, sitting is easier. 😄 Eating was a problem too. The food just wouldn’t go down my throat.  Even yawning was difficult… The yawn would come out like Tarzan’s call…aa..aa…aaa..aaah!! 🙃 

I realised how perfectly this human body has been created, that everything we do has become mechanical. We have started taking everything for granted. Even the simple act of eating is far more complex than we could possibly imagine. There is so much coordination between your teeth chewing the food, your throat swallowing it so that it goes down the food pipe and not the windpipe, so that you don’t end choking. After surgery, the act of eating was now so difficult that I had to be mindful of every morsel I was putting in my mouth, of chewing it and swallowing it. I have never eaten so mindfully all my life 😝

However, the most difficult task is to sit around doing nothing. And see the untidy house right in front of me and not able to do anything about it… I have always been obsessed with perfection and tidyness.  After marriage, just so as to keep peace, I have tried hard to partly give up this obsession. You see, sadly, this malady has taken possession of only me. Everyone else, kids and husband seem content to live in the junkyard that our house has become. But now I am learning to keep my cool in the midst of this chaos, and turn a blind eye on things which I can’t do anything about. 

Being at home, doing nothing, and not feeling guilty about it, is a wonderful experience 😇.  I am getting better day by day, surrounded by the love and warmth of loved ones. Life couldn’t be better. It’s wonderful to be alive. 

Wishing my lovely family a merry Christmas. Lots of love and cheer 💖