SWAMI JI and ….me…

Occasionally I have been asked this question, “How did you meet Swamiji?” Most of you have a lovely story to share about your visit to the Ashram, and your first meeting with Swamiji. And I love reading these posts as much you love recollecting your experiences and narrating them. However, if you ask me this question, I have a surprising answer for you. 😊 I haven’t met Swamiji, no, not even in any live event. To be perfectly truthful, the closest I have been to Swamiji is in the online satsangs. No, I haven’t been to the Ashram either. 

So what is my connection with Swamiji? I don’t know… Is my honest answer. When I was in what you would call a “midlife crisis”, completely disillusioned and troubled by the emptiness in my life, the answer came in the form of Swamiji’s books and blog. Somehow, I felt that maybe learning to meditate would help me. And that’s when I read Swamiji’s book “A Million Thoughts”. Through the book, for the first time I understood what meditation actually is. Still, I have a very long long way to go in meditation. Then I read the books “Fistful of Wisdom” and “Fistful of Love”. These two lovely books answered almost all the questions that were troubling me. And the answers were simple believable honest answers, which made complete sense to my intellect. But I couldn’t still bring myself into reading Swamiji’s memoir. The book “If truth be told” would often pop up in the recommended books as I searched for books online or on Kindle, but it was like there was an inner resistance, which would stop me. But then I read that too, and a few more books. I haven’t read all the books by Swamiji… But I was regularly following his blog posts for quite sometime, before he created Os.me. 

I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to become a paid member in Os.me. But when I couldn’t read Swamiji’s blogs, I felt like I was gasping for breath. That was when I realised that I needed Swamiji and his posts to keep my sanity in a seemingly insane world. And when he opened up this platform for everyone, I came to meet so many beautiful souls. The world of Swamiji’s devotees who have been with him, blessed by him, and know him so closely. It was almost like heaven had thrown open its gates to me. 

Sometimes, I used feel bad that I haven’t met Swamiji or been blessed by him. But slowly now I have realised that being in this community in itself is the biggest blessing I could have!!  Of all the people out there, who don’t even know Swamiji, I am fortunate enough to have my life filled with the grace of his teachings. 

All my life, I haven’t been a religious person. To be honest, I don’t even know how to pray. I don’t like asking God for gifts, because I trust that He gives me what I truly deserve. All the major changes which have happened in my life have been by God’s grace alone. To become a doctor, was not my first choice. I don’t like to see people in pain, I never even thought I could become a good doctor. But when I wrote the medical entrance and I cleared it in the first attempt, I realised that this was my destiny. If I hadn’t cleared, I would have opted for some other course. But it was His Will alone, which showed me the way. Same with my life partner, how I met him, is by God’s grace alone. So I realised that Swamiji’s coming into my life is by Divine Grace alone. And asking for more is like greediness on my part.

I hadn’t read any scriptures or attempted to learn any shlokas. I had always been a logical mind. I didn’t like to do things which didn’t make sense to me. I used to think what’s the point in saying a prayer if you don’t understand and you don’t really mean it. But with Swamiji’s coming into my life, I felt the deep desire to learn and understand the thousand names of the Divine Mother. Now I have slowly started realising that after all Everything is She!!! She is everything in and out…

This long journey of the soul is one that must be made alone. I deeply love Swamiji and am very grateful for the deep insight he has given me.  And I have often imagined touching His Lotus Feet. There have been times when the longing to meet Him has been strong. But do I deserve it, I don’t really know!! And I tell myself, that whatever the desire may be, it is still a desire. And when the Divine has been kind enough to fill my life with grace why am I am here, crying for more. God has always given me what I truly deserve. If the Divine wills it, I will surely make it to Ashram one day and bow before His Lotus feet… Yes, I will surely make my attempts…☺️ Because nothing is possible without making an attempt!!!

PS : My dear community members, I have only expressed my feelings. It isn’t meant to hurt anyone. I am extremely sorry, please forgive me if I have hurt anyone through this post 🙏🙏🙏