The Circle of Unhappiness

Most of us are surrounded with people who are a snag on our journey and yet we subconsciously feed ourselves with their negativity and shallow vibes. Impact ? Most unknown to us we have dropped ourselves to a lower spectral which then reveals itself  through our negative side.

After my marriage recently, I continue to keep myself distant from talking to people I called  my ‘friends’. To be honest, I haven’t invested much in the premise of a friendship and so I am very much okay to accept I have no  real ‘friends’ like the one they seem to show on social media. I am more of a believer is just being kind and helpful to anybody when they need. There have been instances where I’ve got strangers opening up to me like I was a good friend to them. And that is what makes me really happy and fulfilled.

Recently I ended up face timing an old acquaintance (college friend) and the conversation left an impact on my mind for a pretty long time. 

This person, let’s call them ‘A’, was speaking to me for the first time in over 1.5 years. I did anticipate that the conversation would start with “Tell me how are you now? I know the last year must have been so difficult but I hope you are happy now that you are finally married” and I was kind of prepping up my mind to be okay while talking about it. 

For you to get the context, let me give you a little background. A was an old college friend and eventually became someone I just hung out with sometimes. I always felt A very superficial and never could share a deeper bond with them. A would take note of what you were wearing, how you look and make curious remarks, would randomly video call me, sometimes inconsiderate about my availability and would end up talking about random people. Today, they call themself an influencer on Instagram and post random videos on places they go, food they eat, clothes they wear and routines for skin hair etc..

Now, this is how the conversation went (note that happened on a video call):

A : Hiii

Me : Hi,  how are you? It has been so long..

A : How is your married life tell me about it? 

Me : Pretty good so far, it’s indeed better that how I anticipated things to go.

A: Are you not wearing that thing like we have a mangalsutra in our tradition? (they don’t wear it ever)

Me : Ofcourse I am

A : Show me show me

Me : What is to see in it? (I said as I struggled to pull out my mangalsutra). See this is how it looks

A : Oh it is so huge

Me : In our culture we wear this only. (I am a Tamil brahmin and we usually wear the Tirmangalyam which is pretty huge compared to what the mangalsutra looks for some other cultures)

A : And what else are you wearing? Your earrings are new or …?

Me : Just this. Earrings are what I have been wearing from before marriage. Are you not at home? (me getting uncomfortable here trying to change the topic)

A : No, I’m in a coffee shop, will go home in a bit. Why are you wearing so much makeup at home?

(This is when I became awkward for real. I was very dull that day and had a little concealer on and had put on a bindi, it was Ram Navami that day.)

Me : Is there a problem with your sight? Where do you see makeup?

A : My iPhone is clearly giving it away. I see eyeliner, lipstick..And bindi.. and why are you wearing a bindi?

Me : Where do you see eyeliner ? (closing my eyes to prove myself) and I have a tinted lip-balm on. And bindi because it is Ram Navami today. So what’s the big deal? I am still newly married and so I am allowed to do all of this. (The inner me almost screaming “What is your business in how I look?”

(By this time I was feeling very uneasy from within. A part of me was struggling to understand why does someone have the right to question me like that. The other part of me was shaky from not being able to give it back to the person on their face)

After I hung up, I was feeling extremely dull. I felt bad for not being able to handle conversations like this gracefully. But what that made me realize is that not everyone can vibe the way you do. People in today’s age do not believe in the traditions. Wearing a bindi/ mangalsutra/ saree/ foot ring etc after marriage is now outmoded. People are only more curious about how your in-laws treat you and what all work you do. The more work you do in your in-laws home, the more miserable your life is, the more traditions you follow they less free you are – these are the notions the current generation is tending towards.

They say you more or less become like who surround you.

When I sit to think about it, in my circle I have not many people who uplift me or dive deeper into meaningful conversations. And a lot of them actually dull me out. Those energies are not what I need on my journey. In fact, I have decided to surround myself with people who vibe at a higher spectral, whose values in life are far higher than judging someone for how they look.
Hope you reflect and clean your circle too.