The Courage to Be Disliked

Namaskar and Hello to eversaffron🤭 os.me family..

It has been much time since I published any post or my poems.

Well, poems are currently out of stock..😅But I am writing some and bring definitely soon as कविता संकलन

For Today I want to share a book review and some key lessons from it.

This book is one of those which are closer to my heart. Especially, from foreign authors. It’s “The Courage to be disliked” written by Japanese author Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga.

Basically this book unfolds a conversation between an young boy and a saint like man, whose teachings and philosophy is based on Alfred Adler’s Psychology works.

Alfred Adler is said to be one of the top 3  psychologist of previous century including Carl Jung & Sigmund Freud.

Where Carl Jung’s laid the foundation of analytical psychology and Sigmund Freud’s work were related to Mind’s Subconscious factors and how this affects our decisions and life.

But Alfred Adler works were related to Personal and Behaviour Psychology.

Let’s look at key lessons from this book.

We choose not to change

According to Adler a person has the ability to change his lifestyle immediately. He will not be affected by his past experiences.

But it may take time to change circumstances, but you always have the choice to change your actions.

But most people do not want to change, and they make various excuses to postpone the change.

And also blame their past and withdraw themselves from responsibility.

Once we have step back, we cannot change anything.

We use emotions to achieve our goals

As we know emotions are deeper and powerful in comparison to our thoughts. So, if we desire- we can use our emotions to play a dominant role in achieving our goals. But negative point is that most people are unable to control emotions.

One of main reasons behind this is that we treat emotions passively. When any emotion or action is in active mode, it is stronger. To control emotions, it’s necessary to be in active mode, and navigate emotions consciously.

Unlike Os.me parents, father was scolding his son with Red eyes referencing the height of anger. Then suddenly phone rings. It is his friend.

Normalizing his voice, father talks to friend for long. Some moments of breathtaking for the boy. As the conversation ends father restores his yelling to son.

This means, a person is able to create his anger and other emotions out of his own will.

And, Happiness

We are not happy because we don’t want to be.

Someone said, ‘Happiness is a shining star which will be always far from me, until I became the sky.’

To unlock happiness Self acceptance is one of the key that opens door to happiness. Self acceptance builds a healthy approach towards our weaknesses and strengths.

Inferiority complex

From our childhood to now, we tend to compare ourselves. comparison injects feeling of inferiority in our minds, which slowly propels us into a much bigger inferiority complex.

Simply, Inferiority complex is a mindset in which person evaluates himself lower than others, and lives in that state frequently.

After a time it converts in his weaknesses and he starts making excuses for everything he is not done or why not took actions.

Life is not a competition

Modern life’s reality underlies in 3 words.

Competition! Competition! Competition!

Competition, According to Adler’s perspective isn’t a necessity. Because everyone is unique and has different capabilities.

No matter how hard one tries but he won’t be like another. That’s why the whole concept of competition is baseless.

On others’ expectations

People may have some expectations from us, including our family, friends and colleagues. Are we bound to fulfill their expectations?

It Depends.

Like the earth, expectations reloves on the axis of desires. Someone fullfills my one expectation, and expects with me to repay back.

Its impossible to wait for ending of expectations in auto mode.

A strong statement naratted in the book is- ‘When you fulfill other expectations. In a way you are ignoring your life and living others’.

Seperate your tasks

When you do not keep any expectations from others, you also don’t interfere in their tasks either.

Exactly like this, when other people do not expect anything from you, they also do not interfere in your tasks.

We all have different tasks, which we have to complete. Even if we take guidance or support for our task, still then it will be ours responsibility. Because we will face it’s circumstances and results, not any other person.

Suppose a student goes to his professor, the professor asks him to take some steps to perform better in studies.

Now it is the student’s task to follow these steps, not the professor’s. Professor’s task was to give guidance and instructions to the student, which he did.

If the student does not follow the steps, then only he will get the result, not the professor or the parents.

It is exact same as a Guru- Shishya relationship, Right?

In this way, when we separate our tasks from the tasks of other people, then we become free from the burden of useless things.

These are the some lessons which put an impact on me an I loved.

I definitely recommend all of you to read this book.

For now, Thank you so much for reading it till here 🙏

Har Har Mahadev 🕉️