The Diminished EGO

It’s time to make a change!

For years together we have always made it all about ourselves. A tiny selfish being! It was fun in the beginning. Indeed we could experience our power and it was exhilarating to use that power to bend things to our way and feel powerful inside. Yet, slowly and steadily the tides started changing to our dismay. We began to experience vulnerabilities hitherto unknown. And little wonder, the selfish being inside didn’t like it one bit. It struggled and resisted, trying to hold the upper hand all in vain.

It’s now time to realise. That power that we held and used indiscriminately for selfish purpose, was never ours to begin with. It was a borrowed one! And it was given to us for a grander purpose. What is that purpose you ask? Surrender first, then one shall slowly start finding one’s purpose.

The more we hold on and resist, the larger the fear grows every time a vulnerability is exposed. We fear because we realize that we are no more winning the fight (for selfish needs) that we could earlier. That fear keeps growing. The more we put a brave face and resist it, the more larger the fear feels every-time a vulnerability is exposed. And we get more and more insecure! Even the best of man-made securities that money can buy doesn’t seem to allay that growing fear. The only way out is knowing that the power that we are trying to hold on to for our selfish needs was never ours and it’s time to let it go.. It’s either that or the world keeps reminding us that we no more hold the power to bend things our way. 

Now here’s the funny thing! To feel powerful again we have to learn to surrender our power. There is no explaining this. But it works – always!

As we gingerly experiment with embracing change, it comes to our notice that strongest resistance is of the ego inside. That principle or intelligence inside which is ready to embrace change, has to fight the ever debating and cunning ego. At every step, the ego will bring to forefront all past memories that serve it’s purpose. It makes a strong case for resistance by making one repeatedly experience “the past” where we were powerful and could bend things our way or showcasing a future where things are bent to meet own purpose. It refuses to allow us to accept the present. Understand that it is built that way! And it has years of practice in doing things in that fashion always. The unlearning aspect is for the ego. It is for this very reason that power needs surrendering. Without surrender, the ego cannot unlearn. With surrender, the ego gets diminished. Indeed it’s the ego that urges us to pander and look out for selfish individual needs first.

Ego is a filtering mechanism for the human life. It is concerned with the experiences of the individual self. The driver for filtering experiences is the individual likes and dislikes. Whatever an individual likes or finds pleasure from, ego tries to recreate often or give experience more of it and whatever the individual dislikes or wherever experience has brought pain, the ego pushes out or avoids the experience from repeating. It performs this function by reliving past selectively. It tries to filter and ensure that only the pleasurable thoughts are often perceived by the self. The pleasurable thoughts that ego pushes forward for perception is defined more by visions of personal gratification. All other thoughts that is deemed as either dis-likable (defined as pain) or irrelevant for gratification are suppressed by ego. 

If past doesn’t hold enough situations to please, the ego works on projecting a future of self gratification that it thinks is a pleasing experience. Ego left to itself naturally tilts towards self gratification as means of pleasure. Ego is the final tool driving individual experiences. Due to this it also becomes the gatekeeper or security person in-charge of all experiences allowed for that individual. 

This security like function of ego is what ends up creating personality disorder when the ego gets overzealous about having only pleasures and no pain. Suppressing works best when the forces to be suppressed are a negligible force. If the forces of other side is equally powerful, then suppressing ends up creating disorders that remains in wait for harmony. 

Also, pain is often overestimated by the ego in it’s zeal to avoid it. The ego ensures that imaginative mind is worked into overdrive about the probable pain experience so that the adventurous mind ready to face the unknown is overruled. Pain factor is over-exaggerated in one’s mind by the ego to avoid it. When universe sends a powerful experience that is meant for the individual growth (as per a higher purpose), it is sought to be suppressed by ego in this manner if it perceives such upcoming experience as probable pain. Then inner harmony happens only when such powerful forces are allowed to be experienced and exhausted. 

What happens when ego is diminished? Do we lose our sense of self? No – instead now a diminished ego allows the flow of other thoughts and other past experiences into our perception. Security function is more relaxed or no more tight. It allows perception of other thoughts that it considers irrelevant but not painful. For eg. When change was being resisted, ego was allowing only those “past experiences” to surface that suited it’s purpose. However the diminished ego allowed other “past memories and experiences ” to also surface. These faint memories often begin to prove that even in the past (as children or growing phase when we were trusting) we used to embrace change and it was fun or at least not painful. That gives us true strength as we trust an inner voice that’s faint and feeble to begin with. Slowly but surely we regain the power that we always had as we move in harmony with a higher purpose and get slowly ready to even experience something that ego thinks could mean “pain”. 

And with the sense of that power(this is the universal power acting through us) , sense of security increases and fear begins to recede little by little. Be aware that wherever or whenever fear experienced is largest, it is a sign. The ego is vested heavily into something. Try to get aware of what “that something” is and work to diminish the ego there. When ego is diminished, fear automatically reduces. The more practice one has in diminishing the ego, the more the ego begins unlearning and learning a newer way of making things work by allowing different perceptions. The more practiced the ego is with this new regime, the more centered and calmer one can start feeling inside. Practices for diminishing the ego include being thankful for all experiences good and bad, holding a “reverential attitude” for even the painful experiences, learning to forgive others as well as one’s own mistakes, learning to love oneself and everyone unconditionally! Working to be true to each one of these practices make us realize just how much control the ego holds over our lives. Yes- situations arise where there is conflict between our sense of right and the above values. It is these situations that we must question on what makes us presume that we are right – is it the ego speak or is it truly right?

Here’s a quick cheat-sheet for realizing “Ego speak” . One has to delve internally about what action is being opposed by one’s own mind: 

• Is it only our selfish need that stands to get obliterated by that action
• Are there any other people benefitted by that action that you are opposing – are they lesser people?
• Do you keep getting feelings that you are more deserving than others?
• Is it only own pride that is hurt in the situation
• Is the “self” inside truly so fragile that respect for self can get completely collapsed or destroyed by the action in question     
• Is the mind trying to procrastinate/avoid by putting the onus of first move action on other  person/persons? 
• Are you overwhelmed with a sense of powerlessness ? If so, then who is resisting the life direction that a higher power has decided?  

Either one or several from above applies and stands in the way of one seeking to love unconditionally or forgive (either oneself or others)  or to be thankful for one’s experiences. The last one in above cheat-sheet can be the most dangerous one. It makes one feel that one is incapable and there is no ego inside to oppose. Yet it is the subtlest form of ego-mind resisting the life currents. An easy way to realize this is by looking back at the previous questions in the cheat-sheet.

There is a power inherent within all of us (Universal power). Even in the worst situation, there is an opportunity to act in a tiny way (that brings in a positive change ONLY when it is collective). It is our ego that prevents us from performing the tiny action due to the absence of an immediate gratification and need for collective action from others as well. The ego surmises that unless everyone acts collectively the individual action is inadequate or not required! The fallacy of this thought comes from ignorance which is the ego-speak.

Ego is all about an individual self. Ego provides us the sense of self however it can only associate with a single self. Hence it also works within to separate oneself  from all others. This difference created thus makes us feel vulnerable and destructible. The idea of us being a single being separate from others cannot be destroyed due to presence of ego-mind. But it can be tamed and retrained for a more fulfilling and richer experience of life by giving up resistance to life currents. With practice, one can make the ego mind experience a life full of love for unknown instead of fear. The adventurous life!