The Eternal Wait for Shiva

Note: This is a first person narrative series and does not make claims of any sort.

The dawn was finally about to arrive in a matter of few hours, my hand maidens were already very busy in arranging every tiniest details. The Saree, the jewellery- from the little bells in my anklets to the pearls pleated in my hair. They took care of everything. I only had one thing to do, which I was doing very sincerely- to dream about the being I had loved for so long and was finally about to be married to.

I was told that I am the reincarnation of Devi Sati, his first wife. But the only thing I could remember was his beautiful eyes that has been in my subconscious from the day I was born. And for a husband, I could not think of anyone but him, I never really realised when that devotion took a beautiful turn and made it impossible for me to exist without him.

In those caves, when I used to be in his service while he experienced deep trances will always be one of the most precious, sacred moments for me. Those were the days where I really came to know the being I wanted to be with. This being had no pretences. Ashes all over the body, a snake curled up around the neck, wrapped in a tiger skin, he did not care what anybody including me thought. He was his true self, always! His true, innocent self that melted my heart. Even though for the entire time I was there, he never showed me any instances of innocence but I could just feel it in his heart. I could feel the love he feels for his creation. While he sat with his eyes closed, I could feel everything he was as if we were one and not two separate beings. I was drenched in love for him and for every other being that existed in this beautiful world and all others.

Never have I been in such a spellbinding trance. The mind does not exist when he is around. Nothing and everything exist at the same time. It’s almost paradoxical. I feel calm. And it just feels right, I don’t know how to put it in any other words. I was overjoyed when he asked me for a Vardaan, a boon! and I asked for what I have desperately wanted since forever. I asked for him to be mine.

“Would you prefer the gold ones or the silver ones?” My handmaiden interrupted my bridal thoughts holding two different anklets in her hands. But did I really care about anklets? I blankly blinked at her just like a child does when she is presented with something she is clueless about. After a few seconds when I was finally able to register what she was asking, I mindlessly chose one, don’t even remember which one and she tied them on my henna adorned ankles.

The whole dawn passed like a dream because it will always be blurry in my head. I was physically there, yes, in my chambers as the daughter of King Himavat but my mind and heart were not there anymore. I was lost in the thoughts of my divine who was about to be my husband. I was his and he was mine even before we were married. So much so that I could barely think of anything else. Little did I know then that I was in Bhava samadhi on my wedding day.

To be continued… 

Image source