The Greatest Pain in the World

Jai Sri Hari, and a warm hug to my dearest OS.me family. We all really need it, given that winter has firmly established itself. I am currently in Delhi, visiting my in-laws and hoping to visit the Ashram during Christmas. Monkey caps, soya chaaps, and rajma are some fantastic ways to deal with the cold.

Today, I want to share a thought that has haunted me for the past few days. Life after initiation had been blissful. I could feel a difference in the quality of my life and felt incredibly close to my divine mother. That’s when Ravi Trivedi Om, a wonderful friend and a genuine seeker, sent me this song and asked for my thoughts.

zindagī se baḌī sazā hī nahīñ
aur kyā jurm hai patā hī nahīñ
itne hissoñ meñ baT gayā huuñ maiñ
mere hisse meñ kuchh bachā hī nahīñ
zindagī maut terī manzil hai
dūsrā koī rasta hī nahīñ
sach ghaTe yā baḌhe to sach na rahe
jhuuT kī koī intihā hī nahīñ

Read ahead for the translation.

I casually laughed and said my life is blissful today, and a few years earlier, I may have appreciated this poetry. However, it holds no existential reality today.

Even as I wrote those lines, a thought flashed through my head; “What could happen to make me realize the real pain behind these lines? I already lead a wonderful life with a reasonable degree of detachment.”

The next day, the answer came crashing down upon me like a ton of bricks. The most incredible pain in the world is to have a realized master, who takes Samadhi, and you are left alone with a sinking realization that you wasted this lifetime just gossiping, enjoying creature comforts, and generally feeling peaceful but still very far from your final destination. The regret that you were contented with asking him for a better job, relief from some pain, happier relationships when he offered you the absolute truth will haunt you forever. Imagine the moment when your life flashes before your eyes and your master are no longer in his physical body. All the regret, guilt, and pain will come flooding through every pore, and a feral cry will emerge from your throat. Zindagī se baḌī sazā hī nahīñ.

This thought hit me hard. I was happy being generally peaceful and blissed out, but that’s the bare minimum of what Swami offers. He stands next to Sri Hari with the greatest gift in the universe in his palms. We have to work incredibly hard enough to be worthy of it. So my dear family, don’t settle for the temporary when the absolute truth is available to you.

Here is my interpretation of this poetry.

zindagī se baḌī sazā hī nahīñ
aur kyā jurm hai patā hī nahīñ

When you have not lived up to your potential after meeting your guru, there can be no greater pain than that. We will keep coming back one lifetime after another, dragged by desires, kama, and other vrittis, and not even realizing why we go through this cycle of life and death.

itne hissoñ meñ baT gayā huuñ maiñ
mere hisse meñ kuchh bachā hī nahīñ

Our true self, the brahman, is hidden behind so many layers. Our scriptures describe the following five layers:
Anamaya-Kosh – Physical body made of the food we eat
Pranamaya Kosh – Our breath that powers our existence
MannamayaKosh – Our thoughts and emotions
Vigyanmaya Kosh – Our intellect that is detached from thoughts and emotions
Anadhamaya Kosh – The bliss body hidden behind all these layers

To reach the final destination, we have to transcend all the conditioning enforced by these layers. That’s why Sadhana is critical. Merely being good human beings is not enough. That’s simply the pre-requisite, not the final destination.

zindagī maut terī manzil hai
dūsrā koī rasta hī nahīñ

These lines remind us that Swami and we will shed our mortal bodies one day. That’s simply the nature of human birth. We cannot treat initiation and Sadhana like college exams where we keep getting chances to improve our scores. This lifetime is the one chance with Swami to reach the other side.

sach ghaTe yā baḌhe to sach na rahe
jhuuT kī koī intihā hī nahīñ

The truth cannot have another interpretation. It cannot be exaggerated or reduced because it would no longer remain the truth. That’s not the case with falsehood, where there is scope for embellishment.

Thank you, my dear family, for being a wonderful Sangha and helping me progress on this path.