The Pain of Persistence

I woke up with heavy drowsy eyes and a mind exhausted of taking stock of things and people around me. 

Another day in my life… I thank the Lord. But do I want to go about with my routine?

The ‘Mind’ said, “Perhaps, no”.

“But we have to go to that place – we have committed to…” – ‘Intellect’ said in a matter of fact manner.

“Hmmm”, said the mind. My intellect kept reasoning and reminding the mind about “the routine for today”.

My body on the other hand, with every cell gradually shaking away laziness was still not coming in the way. 

“OK… forget about going outside – what about our daily morning routine?” the Intellect asked again. 

“Hmmm… but you know how rough past few weeks have been. Episodes of unhappy moments… Don’t you think lying around will be better.” My mind was being exceptionally argumentative.

By this time, my body was like “whatever dude, I am happy to be in the bed as well as out of it.”

My intellect did not give up though… and dragged my body from the bed and asked my mind to you know – just shut up!

Trust me, this is not today’s story alone.

This is what I go through every couple of weeks… But there was a time when I faced this every single day. 

It took me good time to realise how self-pity is not going to take me anywhere. How having lofty goals alone is not enough. How there is only so much downtime one can have. I have time and again reiterated to myself that – taking a break is OK… Quitting is NOT.

As I navigate through my life, there have been people and events which have been source of immense joy as well as heart-wrenching sorrow for me. There have been days I had to pick my weepy self and show up to my routine. But at the end of all those weepy days, I slept better, felt better to have shown up, and most of all was motivated enough to move forward with my life.

I realised that persistence in doing things we have to do, to attain the goals we wish to attain is not at all easy. It might look good and motivating in movies, but the pain one goes through; the regular battle with one’s inner self one has to fight is rarely documented in-depth. I also know with experience that the pain of just staying where we are, or living and re-living our trauma can hinder our growth – physical, emotional, financial, and also spiritual.

It is at this juncture that those Moral Science lessons on Gratitude came to my rescue. Another thing which did work in my favor is that, since my childhood days I was always reminded to be grateful about everything I had, by my elders. In the recent times what I realised is that gratitude has the power to bring you back on your track of growth and success, eventually leading to happiness. Even today, gratitude meditation on the Black Lotus App is among my favorite meditations. Not only does it calm me down, it centers my entire being … I feel so much in alignment with Nature… with the Supreme Being. In short, it eases the pain of being persistent, and sets me on the right track again.

I am reminded of what Sofia Vergara (Modern Family fame) once told on Ellen Show. When Ellen asked her isn’t it hard to keep up with physical exercise routines and maintain an attractive body frame as one ages. To this Sofia’s answer was… I do not like exercising at all, but I still go ahead and do it anyways – and once it is done, I feel happy.

I realised that this attitude works with everything in our lives. Just showing up and doing what you have to do. Not letting your mind dictate things (its not easy to do) and letting your intellect decide objectively on what needs to be done is the route to being persistent, to being disciplined. Gradually the mind will follow, and even if does not… we should not stop.

And so I showed up to do my regular morning routine activities, I went to the place I had committed to, and I refused to rethink and re-live the things which upset me. 

I might even bookmark this article of mine, for myself – because I know there will be days when I would again not want to “show up” and just indulge myself in my grief, laziness, and loss. 

Most things we face in our day to day lives are challenging and at times painful  – it is better to choose the right pain … the pain of being persistent towards our goals.

Until I write again…

Hari Om!