Tracing the Footprints Back

The Resolution:

Just one week back, I was reading an old article of Swamiji on compassion titled : “A word on Compassion”. That article completely moved me and I understood how conveniently we imbibe a particular virtue only when it suits us. Next morning, I took a resolution to practice compassion and forgiveness as a virtue with utmost sincerity for at least a year.

The Mistake:

One of my friend called me two days back and told me how something I said to someone has hurted someone’s feeling. I felt immense remorse in my heart that very moment and realized that although unintentionally, someone got hurt as I did not think through the situation mindfully. This created ripples of unrest in the calm ocean of consciousness. That night, I felt the entire spiritual journey is not meant for me as it is futile to have such a tall claim and read highest philosophy. That night, I felt meditation, worship, and scriptural study is not enough to purify an ordinary person like me who is not mindful of her words and action. 

The cry for help:

I woke up next morning with a heavy heart, feeling emotionally weak, and although I sat for my sadhana in the morning, the vigor, enthusiasm, devotion and yearning was not there. Tears rolled down my cheek and I cried for help to my beloved Shree Hari. I asked him for strength, for a ray of hope, to guide me  so that I can walk this path with unflinching faith in him fearlessly and patiently. 

Lord’s compassion:

My childhood friend called me in the afternoon. She is amongst very few people who understand my state of mind without even a conversation. After saying hello, she said – ” You want to say something? Tell me what happened. I said it’s 3 am ( I live in Canada and she lives in India) for you and it can wait but she out of unconditional love and affection for me, persisted. I told her how unknowingly my words have hurted someone’s feeling and became the cause of one’s pain. How futile this entire spiritual journey is, if you are still creating pain and suffering for others?She listened to everything calmly and then spoke.

Spiritual journey is destined for you, my love. You have not chosen the path, the path has chosen you. I understand that your words and actions have hurted someone but suffering is an individual choice, you cannot reduce anyone’s suffering but from where I see and stand, I see that your spiritual journey has definitely reduced pain for that person. She asked me a simple question -” How I would have reacted if one of your friend would have told you that someone got hurt due to your words and actions ten year back. I went back to how I was ten years back and was astonished to see how rash I was then? ” I said -” I think I could have gone to that person and told her that she is being too unreasonable and I had no such intentions to hurt her, maybe I would have lashed her out for being so judgmental about me, I don’t know. She said -” See, the fruits of your journey, you have transformed from a person who will be angry at someone for accusing them to a person who is sensitive enough to embrace others”. You have a long way to go Swati, she said but trace your footprints back in the journey to see how far you have come? She reminded me of 47th verse of Bhagavad Gita from Chapter 2:

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन ।
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि ॥ ४७ ॥

She asked me to continue working on perfecting the virtues and do my prescribed duties, but don’t hold responsible yourself for the results of your actions, offer them, both good and bad to the supreme and walk the path fearlessly. She kept the call and went back to sleep.

I could see Lord’s grace and compassion flowing for a nobody like me, it was Lord alone who spoke to me letting me know where I went wrong, and then it was Lord alone who supported me when I lost hope. Tears again rolled down my cheek, but this time it was an offering to my beloved Shree Hari, who is all compassionate and provide utmost protection to one who surrenders to him.

Jai Shree Hari!