What is in a Name

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.”- William Shakespeare  in Romeo and Juliet
Well unlike the Bard’s proclamation- my own experience is a lot is hidden in your name .

Let me start with the question I often use, in all ice breaker exercises at office,  when you need to talk about something that nobody knows about you The question is- what is my first name or another version – what do you think is my name ? No, its not the philosophical question of who am I –  just simply – what is my name . Easy peasy you would say . For those who know me – they would say Divya. Some remotely located colleagues who have just seen my outlook display might say Vanshika .  Well , you would be horrified to know both are incorrect . And don’t worry- before you pick up the phone to report me to the police –  I am not an ISI agent or a spy masquerading under another identity ! 😊 😊

When I was born, my father wanted to name me Sowmya ( meaning ; soft serene and tranquil) but I was a bawling baby . Colic made me cranky and inconsolable so my frustrated mother vetoed the name as it just didn’t fit me. Then after a lot of debate they zeroed down on Divya but it was way too common a name for my father’s liking. Given his musical inclination and his devotional sentiment he named me Divyavanshika – meaning the Divine Flute ( Divya means Divine  Vanshika means Flute) It referred to Sri Krishna’s flute .

To make me true to my name, my father , a leading physicist made me memorize the entire Srimad Bhagvadgita at the  age of  4 – and made me participate in many Bhagvadgita chanting competitions held by Vivekanand Kendra. A 3 year toddler merrily singing the shlokas in a crowd of teenage school goers was quite a sight .

When I was asked to recite the same shlokas on my father’s last rites when I was 11 – I lost faith and found no solace or wisdom in them . But it is no surprise that 2 decades down the line –  I found Sri Krishna as my Ishta and came out of a debilitating depression chanting His glories and names . My constant prayer is now to be that flute and let His music play through me unobstructed . May his divine tunes elevate my consciousness .

But lets come back to my name . Divyavanshika is a long name – so my teachers initially thought my parents missed the space between the first name and surname and while they retained my name – they modified  my father’s name  to Rajendra Kumar Vanshika instead of Rajendra Kumar Popli . Everyone at home had a good laugh and the next day my father landed up in school to get the error corrected . In the subsequent report card – following the strongly iterated reminder from the headmistress – my father’s name was correctly mentioned – my name changed to Divya Popli transforming my first name.

Once again my father wrote a letter to remind the school – and I think this time the thoroughly confused clerk and the even more confused teacher decided to write my name as Divya Vanshika . This was acceptable to my father since only the surname went missing which was fine with him. And this is how I wrote my name ever since without my surname  . A lame attempt to change it in class X to Divyavanshika Popli also bombed since somehow CBSE also disregarded the filled form to etch my name firmly in official records as Divya Vanshika

 We Indians are curious by nature and with everyone possesses Sherlock Holmes like skills  for deductions . People often try and figure my background ( or anyone’s background ) from my name .

“Are you from South India?”

“You must be a madrasi !”

“You look like a Bengali. But your surname is Vanshika so are you Telugu or Tamil ? Or is it Bonshika and not Vanshika.”

Are the common questions I get asked . Again people are shocked when I tell them I am Punjabi by birth . “But you don’t look it!!! and “your name is definitely not Punjabi “is the usual retort I get .

When I started working, with P&G in sales , the distributors tried figuring out my caste before trying to see if I was a fit candidate for a matrimonial alliance with their sons .

“Are you a Brahmin , Divya ji ?” they would ask. Which sub-caste has the Vanshika surname ?

“Are you from a scheduled caste – and have you modified your surname to get more acceptance ?”

My head swirls when I get  these questions . For the record, I tell those who ask  I am a born Kshtriya but do Brahminical work of teaching and the Vaishya profession of running a supply chain .

Post marriage – I told my husband – I am not inclined to add a last name or surname . And he was fine with that . But the Passport office wasn’t. They had a problem with no last name being written but couldn’t do much about their grievance since there is no law that your last name needs to be on the document .

These are some of the stories about my storied name . So yes , my first name is Divyavanshika and last name ( technically) is Jain now post marriage but I don’t write that .  I mostly respond to Divya or Vanshika or even to DV ( as my husband addresses me. DV rhymes with Biwi) 

 I didn’t  write the piece to tell you about my name however – I wrote it to share my thoughts on how our core beliefs operate.

One of my learnings from this experience how we unconsciously try to typecast everyone in a set framework familiar to us and make judgements about a person without knowing anything about them . Anything outside the set framework ( first name , last  name framework in this case)  makes us uncomfortable .

Our ideas or opinions have little foundation in reality – and are mostly supported by unconscious beliefs ( for instance  how Punjabis are like , which castes behave in what manner). Since the beliefs are unconscious – it is hard to spot them and correct them  .  For example if I were to ask my pious Jain in-laws  – “are you biased against Punjabis” – they would protest vehemently . But the first root cause analysis, of any conflict,  would end up blaming me, as I am a Punjabi and hence naturally aggressive in their opinion .Similarly , when colleagues find out I am a Punjabi married to a Jain- the assumption is I would  be a meat lover and he would be a strict vegetarian – but its just the opposite . He eats anything that moves and I stay miles away from non vegetarian fare.

While making any conclusions or judgements about anyone – do pause for a moment – what are you basing that conclusion on ? Challenge your beliefs . Believe mindfully . Act consciously.