What’s Your Regret?

Jai Sri Hari 

“Alert- This might be a long post”

Very recently Swami ji posted a blog where he asked us to mention one regret of ours for which he will pray on the night of Shivratri.

We all melted like butter in front of fire and expressed our deepest regrets without hesitation because we know HE is the savior and his words are never empty.

Swami ji wrote that he will read the first 100 words of each comment. I tried doing it too and trust me it is so draining, painful, emotional and time consuming to go through all the comments. It made me love Swami ji even more because it shows HE CARES.

Truthfully i did not mention my regret openly but I appreciate each one of you who did it because it needs lot of courage and strength.

I even had tears while going through some regrets of fellow co devotees. I tried to imagine myself in their position and felt so much pain that I needed a small break to come out of that emotional state.

I am no one to comment on anyone’s regret but as a counselor I have faced many similar situations and I felt if my words can give even one person some solace to let go of their regret, my post will be worth.

Though there are many type of regrets mentioned under Swami ji’s post, I will be mentioning few which were common. The one which i resonated too was that we met Swami ji quite late in our life, but I am glad at least he chose us and took us under his guidance. Der aaye durust aaye. 

Regret of being in an abusive relationship

This was one of the most common regret that was mentioned, specially  by female devotees. I sympathize with all of you  because it is not easy to let go of any relationship easily. And those who were physically abused, I am so sorry you had to go through it. 

It is not uncommon for people who have experienced abuse in a relationship to feel guilty or responsible for what has happened. However, it is important to remember that you are not at fault for the abuse. There are toxic people and it is true. But it is likely that toxic people learned their behaviour during their own childhood, either by being exposed to the toxic behaviour of others or by being overpraised without being taught the key quality of empathy.

In any toxic relationship there will be other qualities missing too, such as respect, kindness and compassion, but at the heart of a toxic person’s behaviour is the lack of concern around their impact on others. 

Breaking away from a toxic relationship can feel like tearing at barbed wire with bare hands. The more you do it, the more it hurts, so for a while, you stop tearing, until you realise that it’s not the tearing that hurts, it’s the barbed wire – the relationship – and whether you tear at it or not, it won’t stop cutting into you.

Walking away from a toxic relationship isn’t easy, but it is always brave and always strong. It is always okay. And it is always – always – worth it. This is the learning and the growth that is hidden in the toxic mess. 

We grow when we are in an abusive relationship.

Please know that no one has the right to mistreat or harm you, and it is NOT your responsibility to fix or change the abusive behavior of your partner. It is important to seek support and safety for yourself. You may find it helpful to speak with a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional who can provide you with emotional support and help you develop a plan for moving forward. 

And if you can – get out of it as soon as possible. Society and it’s norms will always be an opponent team so do not care for them. You should not harbor any regret or such feeling for choosing peace and happiness for yourself.

My personal philosophy is – no physical abuse is accepted in any relationship because if we allow it once, in future the means and ways might change but not the approach. This was one condition I put before my marriage and I am successful till date.   

Regret of neglecting health

Feeling regret for neglecting one’s health is a common experience and I was no exception. Till 2020 I never cared for my health. I was on and off with my workout schedule, ate anything that came my way, no fixed time for sleep and too much stress. Only after April 2020, when life gave me two shocks, I decided to take control of my health. 

Neglecting health can have serious consequences both physically and mentally. It’s important to remember that it’s never too late to make a change and start taking better care of your health. We can start by talking to our healthcare provider to determine what steps we need to take to improve  health.

They can help you create a personalized plan that takes into account any underlying medical conditions and your lifestyle. It’s also important to adopt healthy habits such as eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, getting enough sleep, managing stress, and avoiding smoking and excessive alcohol consumption.

I lost 10 kgs in one year but put on 5 kgs in just one month. But the important point is not giving up. 

It’s also important to remember that change takes time, and it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself. It’s okay to slip up, what’s most important is that you get back on track.

Regret of not using full potential

Feeling like you haven’t used your full potential is also a common regret. And I have suffered a lot personally with this. I also mentioned it under Swami ji’s post.

But it’s important to remember that it’s never too late to make a change and start working towards reaching your goals. It can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what you want to achieve and what has been holding you back. Once you have a clear idea of what you want to do, you can create a plan to make it happen.

For example, I started working on my website this year and got more clients for my profession. Also I am trying to brush up my skill with recent studies and updates to be aware of what’s happening in my field. I always wanted to learn piano, I haven’t till but not given up yet. 🙂

In the process I also realised that not every professional success can give us contentment. What satisfies our soul is the work we actually love to do and get appreciation for the same.

Be in the company of like minded people. Priortise your time for the things you love to do.

My aunt, who was a textile designer, gave up her career for her daughters. Now when her children are settled, she tied up with like minded ladies and has now launched a store of traditional Indian dresses.

Similarly, you can also try to find role models or mentors who can guide you and give you support.

Remember, it’s never too late to start reaching for your dreams, so don’t let regret hold you back.

Remember to be kind to yourself and try to focus on what you can do in the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past.

Regret of using harsh words

It’s natural to regret using harsh words, especially if you’ve hurt someone you care about.

Occasionally, we say things that we immediately wish we could take back. We feel we didn’t mean it. We don’t know where the words came from. 

Sadly, there’s no rewind button for real life and no app to help you edit out blunders.

It’s important to take responsibility for our actions and try to make amends. We can start by apologizing to the person we hurt and explaining that we  didn’t mean to hurt them and that we regret our words.

You can also take the time to reflect on why you said what you did and try to understand your own emotions and triggers. Understanding your own feelings can help you control your reactions in the future.

There are probably strategies that can help, such as cultivating the habit of remaining silent if we sense we are too agitated. For this mindfulness is must- which we can learn from numerous sources made available to us by Swami ji and his team. 

It’s also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, including using harsh words, and that it’s possible to forgive and move forward.

Communication and forgiveness can be key to rebuilding a relationship after a hurtful exchange.

Regret of not being with loved ones/ or became a medium for their death

Not being with loved ones when they pass away can be a very difficult and painful experience. 

It’s natural to have feelings of regret and to wish that things could have been different. It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and that everyone processes loss differently.

Few comments made me cry specially by someone who lost his brother next day after a heated argument and one who thinks her decision regarding her father’s health made him leave this world early . My heart goes out to them. 

Please know, “kaal kabhi akaal nahi hota ” and  death is pre destined. It is never in our hands.

It’s important to remember that it is not possible to predict when someone will die, and that death is a part of life. Sometimes things happen beyond our control and it’s important not to blame ourselves for things that we couldn’t change.

This regret if not tackled properly can lead to many other negative emotions, baggage of which will be too heavy to unburden. 

It can be helpful to talk to someone who is non judgmental about your feelings and to find healthy ways to cope and process your grief.

You can also try to find ways to honor and remember your loved ones, such as by creating a memory book or memorial or even writing about them on os.me

I am sorry for such a long post but I wanted you all to know that we all are same and make mistakes. We did our best at that moment, as per our limited understanding. Holding ourselves responsible  and carrying the regret is only going to burden our soul. Let it go.