Where Am I Now…

I must confess..a thought which is knocking at my door step now a days very often..I remember our Master once said pointing to the ashram inmates that you do not know what good karma they did in their previous life so that now they are in this stage and place. Seriously.I wonder ,what karma they did.As the days run I also realize many things.Every day i am learning it.Every day i am fighting with the demons.who are they?sometimes its anger,sometimes envy,sometimes faint desire,sometimes hate sometimes..i do not remember now. Also i come face to face with many things..they are sometimes detachment,sometimes extreme compassion,sometimes calm and many more..yes i must admit now a days i talk very less. And if somehow i talk due to some reason (except in work when i have to say my dialogue part) i kind of feel restless and i regret that why talked unnecessarily?

               Today i had gone to my Uncle’s place for having lunch .While returning home i decided to purchase a new shoe for me. I stepped inside a shop.It was very crowded.Suddenly i felt restless in that crowd and i also realized that my interest in purchasing shoes or any material things have squeezed a lot .I lost that appetite now .I am not saying that i  never purchase but not like before.Ultimately i came back without purchasing. I have a long way to go .Sometimes i feel confused.Am i progressing spiritually? or not?where am  i now?Pujya Swami ji Benevolent Master if You are reading this then you must know my status of mind.With all my flaws  i am seeking refuge in You. Koti naman at Thy Lotus Feet. It is very difficult to swim in this world and crossing this ocean of sansar.I want to cross and go to the other side. I do not want to drown. Please be with me.