Why ‘Just Get Over It’ is Terrible Advice

We’ve all been through difficult life events which leave a mark on us.

Break-ups, deaths of loved ones, failures at school, eff-ups at work. In these times of pain and uncertainty we often look to those closest to us for support. Partners, friends, family, colleagues.

Personally I’ve been through a small amount of significant, painful life experiences; the early death of a parent and more break-ups than I care to divulge (Here are some depression death quotes helps you deal with stress and depression).

I often deal with things internally, requiring time on my own to process events and work through emotions. On the odd occasion I’ve sought support from other people they often don’t know what to say or how to approach the situation.

This is fair, considering we’re all different and have different ways of dealing with things.

One “piece of advice” I’ve heard more than a few times, though, said to me and to many others I know, is:

‘Why don’t you just get over it?’

Well great, thanks, I never thought of that. Now that you’ve said it that’s definitely what I’ll do. I’ll just ‘get over it’.

Of all the useless and inconsiderate things to say this is probably the worst. It shows a humongous lack of empathy and barely any consideration for the person in the fragile state.

The person uttering this uselessness often says it as if you haven’t thought about it. Like you don’t want to get over it, as if you have complete control over your emotions, like a light switch.

Every Person Sees Things from their Own Viewpoint

The issue with people giving this advice is that they’re looking at your situation purely from their own point of view. They’re not taking your perspective into account at all.

Often their consideration is from their own logical standpoint, not from one of emotion or empathy. Simply ‘this is what happened, and you being upset about it isn’t helping anyone, so all you need to do is get over it. Simple.’

They’re not taking into account anything you’re feeling. They see things logically and tell what you should do rationally.

A break-up isn’t logical. A death of a loved one isn’t logical. A failure after working your guts out isn’t logical. These are all situations which come with powerful and complex emotions. Loss, defeat, shame, insecurity, longing, the list goes on.

The complexity of such emotions cannot be fully grasped by anyone but yourself (and even fully grasping them yourself is almost impossible), but people telling you to ‘just get over it’ aren’t trying to understand you or your emotions at all.

We all naturally see the world from behind the screen of our own personal experience, but to see another person’s issue totally from one’s own perspective shows a distinct lack of empathy. It shows a complete unwillingness to understand, a deep level of selfishness.

This is exactly what someone telling you ‘just to get over it’ has.

The Way You Deal with a Difficult Situation is Exactly the Way You Should Deal With it

Every single person is unique. We’re all individuals and we are all different from each others.

We have different upbringings, genes, cultures, thoughts, experiences. Even identical twins will have different thoughts and perspectives on exactly the same shared experience.

It gives humanity almost infinite variety — our individual diversities are what make us beautiful.

Our individualities stretch to how each of us deal with situations, especially difficult ones. The way I deal with a break-up or the death of a loved one is different to how you do it.

You can ask for advice, help or support when you’re dealing with the fallout from a traumatic event, but it will ultimately be you dealing with your emotions.

I, or anyone else, can give you advice, tips or infuriating nuggets of uselessness like ‘just get over it’, but in the end it will be you who will go through the healing process to make sense of, or neutralise, your negative emotions.

The way you do it will be completely unique to you, because only you, as a unique individual, have had your unique set of experiences — so the way you deal with a situation is exactly how you should deal with it.

Even if you think you’re not dealing with it properly. You’re learning. Learning how to navigate difficult circumstances and how to deal with your emotions. You’re doing it exactly as you should because that’s how you’ll grow.

Equally, however long it takes you to move past a difficult situation is also exactly how long it should take you to move past it. No-one can tell you that you ‘should’ be over something by now because it’s been ‘long enough’. That’s just bollocks. They’re not you.

How you move past something and how long it takes you to move past it is exactly how you should do it, and exactly how long it should take.

After you’ve been through a tough or traumatic situation you might look to others for support. You might need comfort, practical advice or just someone to listen and show you some compassion.

If you find the other person telling you ‘why don’t you just get over it though?’, in my opinion you’re well within your rights to tell them to back off.

Photo Credit- Photo by Ben White on Unsplash