Will I Make It?

I had studied hard for my high school board exams and they went well. The four month vacation that followed was also more or less well spent. I got my first chance to go abroad to Hong Kong for some days. Then came the sudden shocking news of changing of school due to late registration and then followed one problem after another. Ear surgery, acute tonsillitis, a nervous breakdown and mental illnesses. My 12th boards didn’t go well. The marks were important for me to get into a good government college but I found myself admitted into a private college.

I topped my first year in college but by then my dream of becoming a scientist had withered away. Soon my scores started dropping too. I was struggling with my own demons and situations so much that my focus was nowhere on the exam marks. And within the blink of an eye I graduated. It feels just like tomorrow. Today I am in a private B-school and I am realizing that how much of my time has been lost. I could be a big achiever but till now I have been pretty mediocre. Call it my own fault, fate or luck. I have never achieved anything big in life. I can blame anything but truth is I didn’t or couldn’t put in the right effort at the right time.

Soon I will do my post graduate too. Within the blink of an eye it will be over. And then, like a stereotype career path I may be working with a B-grade company, in a job I don’t like, which will pile up the frustration even more. But I am trying to escape this life. I want to do something with my life which really matters to me. I still hope to find that turning point that will take me to a better career and a better life. Will I make it? I don’t know. I have lost so much time. The best I can do is to do what I am doing right now with my full zeal and commitment and I am trying to do that. Rest, as Krishna says in Bhagvad Gita: ‘karmanye vadhika raste, Ma phaleshu kadachana’ -Your right is to perform your work, but never to the results.