Will This Depression (S)kill Me!!!

Jai Sri Hari, ananta koti dandavat on Samiji’s lotus feet. A tribute to the pianist in Swamiji, played by our son Sahil. (The river flows in you by Yiruma). Dearest Swamiji, please accept the offering and bless our family.

Actually I had to choose between two jobs this weekend. One is to jot down a wonderful event which occurred 2 days ago while the other is to complete an International Paper which has been selected to be published in an American journal, all with the blessings of Swamiji and this wonderful group of divine souls associated with this group.

But First things first! I can’t prolong the urge to write this blog and with Swamiji’s blessings I will complete the Paper, the journey of which began in Sydney (incidentally the work place of Swamiji when he was at the pinnacle of his professional career) in one of the conferences I attended in March 2020.

I express my gratitude to all the nice os.me family members for praying for my wellbeing, speedy recovery from my low phase who are holding my back through the raging storm of mind game.

After the overwhelming reply which I received when I opened up to this wonderful community, I started to have an intense desire to have a glimpse of Swamiji. The urge was so strong that, I used to visualize visiting Badrika Aashram and falling flat at the lotus feet of our beloved Swamiji. One of the followers suggested me to read “The Prayer That Never Fails” by Sadhvi Vrinda Om. I read the book and felt the divine energy. I felt so safe that while sleeping I have been keeping the book under my pillow since last one and half month and I am able to sleep peacefully without the brain numbing antidepressants. Now I am completely out of all the pills except for a minimal dose of SSRI. Last to last night, a wonderful thing happened.

Swamiji visited me in my dream, at least I am convinced that it was Swamiji! I usually spend my evening time reading some book or watching inspirational videos of Swamiji and Swami Mukundananda ji or teaching Sahil or reading newspaper on our sofa. In the dream, I saw me sitting in that position. Our sofa is ‘L’ shaped. I was sitting at a corner. Suddenly the main door opened and Samiji entered into the place. I could not see his face because of the immense glow, but I could recognize him from his trademark robe..

As usual, Sahil flooded the other portion of the sofa with his toys. I ran helter-skelter to clean the sofa so that Swamiji can have a comfortable sit. Swamiji sat on the sofa and asked me about my wellbeing. I could not utter a single word as if I was magically spellbound. The presence of Swamiji was so mesmerizing that I just became statue. I wanted to call my wife Sanghamitra, but I could not call her and in the mean time Swamiji suddenly disappeared, the same way he appeared, in the thin air. I woke up with a jolt with a never before feeling. The next morning, my wife could spot the cheer on my face which was easily identifiable. I shared the entire story with her and she vowed that we will visit Swamiji once the COVID restrictions are lifted.

Swamji has heard my prayer. I want to mention that a very talented young engineer who passed out from NIT, Itanagar joined our section and is reporting to me. His name is Manish. He has been the person sent to me by Swamiji. He is quite dedicated and hard working. We both sat together and discussed about the technical reasons for failure of the instruments which took me into the depressive state. He is really good at circuit level analysis and coding. He could find out a bug in the program and a very subtle hardware issue. With our combined effort, we could pin point and resolve a number of issues. In such a short span of few months, he grasped a lot of things and I shared my experience of 13 years with him. My experience combined with Manish’s zeal to resolve the problem turned out to be magical. Still we have to do quite a bit, but the progress has instilled confidence in me. Now I am feeling more confident. I am fully convinced that Manish is the gift from Swamiji to stabilize me in my professional front. My wife and son are the stabilizer-cum-energizer for me at home!

I think, I am getting a bit long in this blog. Before I finish of, I just want to mention one point. I have seen some amount available in my account in OS.me due to some donation and my interactions. I would humbly request the administrator of the account to utilize the amount for the needy like anybody who is depending on financial support from writing blogs in os.me or for any other noble cause.

Jai Shri Hari, koti koti pranam pujya Swamiji for your darshan. Please continue showering your blessings on all the followers.

Heartfelt gratitude to the universe for all the conducive situations and opportunities getting created along my path…