Will You be My Mother Now?

I was all of 18 summers when I first held my baby nephew in my hands. It was a divine feeling I can’t pen down in words. I was on top of the world!

As he grew up a bit and learnt to speak gradually, he would call me ‘Akha’ instead of Rekha, because he couldn’t pronounce it. It was so delightful and always made me laugh. Our lives and hearts seemed to be intertwined. Since my sister lived close by, not a day passed without us spending time together, playing and laughing away! I was thoroughly enjoying this phase of my life.

Four years flew by, we had grown extremely close, so much so, that my sister used to often jokingly say that he didn’t really need his mother, he only needed Akha to be around. Little did I know that what she would say lightly was actually our destiny unfurling… Nature was preparing me for the next phase of my life.

A life-storm of devastating proportions was brewing and it finally hit us when my sister passed away suddenly and unexpectedly due to medical negligence.It was her destined time to leave Mother Earth and move on in her journey, but our lives were destroyed by her loss.

To break this shocking news to an innocent four years old child, to tell him his mother was never returning; that he would never see her again, was perhaps one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. It broke my heart and the pain was beyond compare!

We decided that it was best if he came to live with us, for that would provide him with some comfort, structure, stability and love. When he’d ask me about his mother and her whereabouts, I would point up at the night sky and tell him that she was now a shining, twinkling star. It would calm him down a bit and divert his mind.

One evening, after gazing up at the night sky, and trying to guess which one was his mother’s star, he turned to look at me, and with the greatest innocence asked me, ‘Akha, will you be my Mother now?’ I absolutely froze inside when I heard this and tears filled my eyes. It was a heart-wrenching moment and I couldn’t muster any strength to speak. I was speechless but I managed to smile at him, communicating my love to him silently.

That day, I truly realised what a mother means to a child: An unconditional support system, a person who solely meets your needs with love and care and answers all your questions about life She is your anchor.

I had not realised it when my sister would joke about this, but nature was preparing me to be like Yashodhara for this little Krishna, who was so innocent, so vulnerable and so pure.

There was no doubt in my mind that I was here for this purpose and I decided to bring him up as my own child. I took on his full responsibility, looking after his needs, instilling values and being there for him. I tried my best to ensure that he didn’t miss his mother much and tried to fill in the gaping void her absence had left

A few more years passed by, and he turned 18. Another life-storm hit us and I lost my husband, I have written about it in my earlier post. I was shattered and in deep despair. This time around though, he, my son, stood by me like a pillar of support and ensured that I didn’t slip into deep depression.

I had first held him when I was 18 and stood by him when he needed me; now, he held me together when he was 18, and when I needed him the most… Such are the mysterious ways of life! Life had come full circle for us in its own time. 

When I sit back and reflect on life, I realise that nothing goes unnoticed in this vast, gigantic Universe. Every act has its payback and anything you’ve invested in any form comes back to you multifold. Whether it’s on a financial, physical, emotional or spiritual level, nature pays you back. Nature, is all giving!

What is needed most, I think, is trust and patience. Trust that whatever is happening is happening for a reason. Have patience that whatever dire circumstances and feelings you’re going through, will pass because nothing is permanent. We just need to do our best in the moment and leave the rest to the Divine.

The responsibility that life entrusted me with, of nurturing another life, which I took on with faith in the Divine 25 years back, is something I am so grateful for. I believe I gave my best to it. I humbly offer my deepest gratitude to Mother Divine for placing Her trust in me, for making me Yashodhara to this beautiful soul, whom I named Geet, for he is the song of my life.

Live. Love. Laugh. Give

PS: My gratitude to Vanika Om for editing it.