Witnessing My Mind

Familiar words in title and sub-title. So, what is this post about? It is an attempt to share my experiences with Black Lotus App. In particular, the outcome of reflection, action and reinforcement through guided meditations, breathwork, and Wisdom. Why am I sharing these with you? Two primary reasons – (a) how mindful practices are beginning to transform me, and (b) to seek inputs from you for mutual learnings.

The new Black Lotus App is several notches better than previous version. My personal take on previous version is that it was too monotonous. Breathwork and wisdom in latest version are different for each pack, bringing in diversity. The previous version did help me in many aspects; inculcating discipline being significant for me.

Most discernible impact so far has been that I am beginning to be aware of my thoughts and patterns. Instances to support this recognizable change are important to share with you.

As I began to witness my mind and the thoughts that are coming, I have realized that most of the time my mind is focused on expectations from others. Be it the support staff that is providing nursing care for my mother who is bed ridden or my spouse, expectation emerges as primary thought and leads to irritations. “Why are they not doing their work as they should?” – the question crops up every time and, more so when things are not as desired by me (ego)! This has been going on for many years and it is only now, with mindful practices that I am able to witness these thoughts. A direct consequence has been that I am able to rationalize that everyone cannot be as good in all tasks. I also convinced my mind that rather than getting irritated, will it not make more sense to focus on what needs to be achieved? Further, if I am good at some of the tasks, why should I not do it when I have time and energy? Focus has thus moved from achieving the end objectives rather than meeting of those objectives by the person in a manner my mind is demanding!!!

On other two instances, I was facing situations that could become an emergency for my mother. On a Saturday evening, the suction machine at home failed. It was closing time of the market where I could buy one. My call to the local pharmacy shop did not elicit an encouraging response.  I quickly searched and called the shop where I knew such machines are available. He was closing the shop and told me that he will keep the machine in the shop next to him that remains open for another hour. I could get the machine much to relief of the nursing staff.

In a more recent event, the air mattress failed. It was absolutely essential to get new one as my mother has bed sores. It was a Sunday and once again my calls to three hospital pharmacies and visit to two shops resulted in, either telling me that that they do not have one or, that the retail market is closed today and, therefore, will not be able to procure one for me. However, I decided to visit the retail market and found a shop open much before the time that I was told as the opening time. I could procure new air mattress at the very first shop that I visited without loss of time.

On both occasions, I observed that my mind was thinking negative which could have made me nervous and perhaps stressful. However, I told my mind that my task is to keep trying and let the situation unfold on its own. By the grace of the Divine, I succeeded in accomplishing the task in both instances in time and continued to provide the comfort and care for my mother. 

Later, I also called my regular pharmacist and told him the name of the shop which opens at 8:30 am (and not 11 am – 12 noon as was told to me) and that it carries many medical accessories so that he could inform others who may approach him for some need on a Sunday.

Yet another aspect that I witnessed on working of my mind has been that when a certain thought comes, it quickly connects to a certain person. Much of the time, the connection seems hard-wired as if the mind has a look up table that if this is the thought, the associations are so and so! I am working to resolve this as the connections are more often than not, negative experiences.

While doing breathwork exercises, Vase Breathing stands out for me so far. I really feel the impact of life forces that this exercise activates.

And last but not the least, I was continually rating myself lower when it came to affirmations in self-evaluation. Well, I found three that help me do affirmations daily.

1.       Gratitude is antidote for suffering

2.       Fear and faith cannot co-exist

3.       Her Will, Her Way, my Faith

If you find some of my experiences as obvious to you, I am happy that I am following you on the right path. Your inputs will certainly help me in making further strides.