You Have Changed

Only thing constant in life, is change.

When a man and woman get married, they both look at the list of qualities/traits that they always wanted to have in their life partner, and how many of them are being ‘ticked’ in the deal. Generally, a 70% qualification is considered ‘decent’, anything above is ‘fantastic’ and anything less is considered ‘problem’.

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change” 

-Albert Einstein

Of course when such a list is made and worked upon, one is quiet inconsiderate of one’s own qualities and traits. To oneself, ‘I am like this only’ is the universal assumption. Please don’t expect me to change. Which is fair, provided one’s expectations from the partner, remain static, and don’t change over a period of time.

So if the husband has a habit of forgetting dates/events and needs to be reminded by the wife, then the wife needs to resolve with the fact, that its not going to change. And she will give it to you in writing, that he ‘never changed, despite all her best efforts’. However if the same husband, used to give her gifts and flowers, not only on all the occasions, but even when there was no occasions, now has not only been skipping occasions, but there is a perceived dip in the quality of gifts and flowers. And pat comes the comments ‘Tum badal gaye ho jee‘.

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” 

-Winston Churchill

Now we all know that change is normal, however, we are not comfortable with certain changes and we welcome many other changes. Humans are constantly evolving and growing. What I am now, is different from what I was a milli second ago. If nothing else, my skin is disintegrating and getting regenerated constantly. The cells in our body are constantly getting regenerated. Especially for the evolved people, who are constantly on the hunt for knowledge and wisdom, change is as omnipresent as breathing.

And change, we should because it reflects our understanding, its sign of maturity, its sign of adjustment (change of stance, you know!) and it demonstrates flexibility, willingness to accommodate counter views (change of heart), alternative approaches (change of mind), different stance (change of physical position), and so on. 

So then why is the change in the eco-system, others so much difficult for us to accept?

• We don’t like it when the same friend who used to call us many times in a day, does not contact us now for weeks.
• The friend who used to write long physical letters (yes, there was something called postal mail!), now sends brief text messages.
• The hubby who used to notice each and every colour on her dress, now forgets in the afternoon, what she wore in the morning.
• The kid who used to hug you when you came from office, does not even look up when you enter his room to say hello.
• The minister who promised the world before the election, has not visited the village for 6 months since being elected.
• The boss considered you the blue eyed boy till yesterday and now has not given you time for a meeting for months.

There are two things here. First, our lack of willingness to ‘accept‘ the changes and our lack of understanding of ‘the other person’s perspective‘. How we see ourselves can never be the same as how other sees us. And its not just about someone being busy and behaving differently. Its not just about you, for others, there are other people and priorities in the world. As one evolves, the number of people in one’s life, if it is increasing, its a good thing, as it shows that the person is evolving. Knowing more people means knowing the world a lot better.simple.

“If you can’t fly, then run.

If you can’t run, then walk.

If you can’t walk, then crawl.

But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward” 

-Martin Luther King Jr.

So, next time when your hubby says ‘You have changed’, smile and say ‘thank you darling’.  

P.S. no guarantee that you may not suffer any physical harm !